Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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