Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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