nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I have aggressive nipples.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
