I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
