just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
