Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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