Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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