You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
