Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
