i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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