I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
