is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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