I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
