Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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