I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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