i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We have started to decorate penises.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Randomize
