Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
