I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
