My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize