The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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