I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
