dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
