I must be too annoying 4 u.
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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