Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
