We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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