remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
