Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just puked most of my soul out..
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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