She's JV to your varsity
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
