sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
