Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Floor bacon is actually really good
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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