my mouth tastes like poor choices
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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