she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
