Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
