Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
