When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Let's get the cat blown out
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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