Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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