I just saw a hot homeless man
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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