i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
