i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
