I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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