they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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