My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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