he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
