Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
