areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
