i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
