She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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