i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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