Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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