i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
