Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
