i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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