I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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