i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
