we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
