Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
