I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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