His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
