Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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