I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
