i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
