My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
