my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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