I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
