my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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