ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
