Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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