; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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