I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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