I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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