I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
