He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
