i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
